A snail gets mugged by 2 tortoises. When the police arrive, they ask the snail what happened. "I don't know", says the snail, "it all happened so fast!"
This joke was brought to you by the barber in Nelson.
And here's one from Diane Walker:
First man - have you seen my amphibian?
Second man - he's very small.
First man - yes, he's my newt.
ho ho!